Consensual Sex is mutually desirable, legal and enjoyable sex. It is also when you and your partner both agree to have sex, and if you both say “yes” then you have both consented. However, sex without consent is when you have intercourse and one party has not said “yes” or does not want to have sex, but sex happens anyway. Consent is when you give permission or agree to do something, and to be able to give consent you need to make sure it’s a decision that you have made without any pressure or influence.
Giving and receiving active consent is incredibly important when engaging in sexual activity. You need to let your partner know how you feel, and communicate your expectations clearly. Equally, you need to listen and respect your partners wishes, and make sure that both of you are okay and feel comfortable with each level of intimacy.
The main thing to remember is:
– You have the right to say no at any time.
– You should never and are never expected to do anything that you don’t want to do
– If you don’t feel comfortable then stop immediately and let your partner know.
There are many ways to be intimate and close with your partner without it leading to sex, so make sure you communicate how you’re feeling. You absolutely have the right to say no, even if it’s leading to sex or you’re about to have sex. If you change your mind make it known to your partner; don’t feel pressured to carry on, and stop what you’re doing.
If you want to stop, you can:
– Say “no”, or “no I’m not comfortable with this”;
– Say “I want to stop”;
– Say “I need to go to the bathroom” (to get yourself out of the room);
– Even say “I think I’m going to vomit” (this will definitely stop anything from happening!).
The thing to remember is always to be honest so that you avoid doing something that you don’t want to do and you regret later on.
By law, a person cannot give consent if they are severely intoxicated or unconscious as a result of alcohol or drugs. It doesn’t matter if you’re already in a relationship with someone, and you’ve had sexual relations with him or her before; if you or your partner says “no”, then that means there is not consent. If consent isn’t given and you engage in sexual intercourse, this is classed as rape. If you see a friend being intimate with someone and they are in a state where they are unable to make a conscious decision, help them and get them out of the situation immediately. Pull your friend aside and stop them from getting into trouble and doing something that they will later on regret.
It’s important to recognise both verbal communication as well as non-verbal. Verbal communication is when you say “no” or words to that effect, or words that make your partner know that you’re not consenting.
Non-verbal communication can be shown by:
– Not responding to touch
– Pulling yourself away
– Turning away
– Stiffening your muscles
– Not engaging.
By doing this, or if you’re in a situation and you experience your partner doing this, this will make it obvious that you or your partner is feeling uncomfortable.
Remember that non-consensual sex is rape, so if you don’t want to have sex you have to make this known to your partner. If they carry on with sex, you have not consented and they have committed a serious crime. Rape is not something to be ashamed of; if this happens to you, make sure that you tell a family member or somebody that you can confide in and go to the police immediately. Don’t ever think that you need to do anything that you don’t want to do; at the end of the day, if you haven’t expressly consented to sex, this is a serious sexual offense and will result in extremely serious repercussions for your attacker.